Building Strong Relationships

Minister Kerry Shook and his wife Chris have been married for over 26 yrs. I took some notes from their relational teaching series that I would like to share with you. Our relationships are the most important thing we have on this earth. At the end of your life, people are not going to remember how successful you were, how many hours you worked, what your title was…they will care only about HOW you treated them. Did you spend your life building and cultivating strong and meaningful relationships or did you spend it focused only on yourself? 

Think about your closest relationship. Your goal should be to have a deeper, stronger relationship with that person the next time you’re with them than the time you did before. Every time you’re together, you want to grow in your relationship and that doesn’t happen by accident. Successful relationships are the KEY to happiness at home, in business…in EVERY single aspect of your life! It takes a lifetime to become a master at relationships but at the end of life this is all that matters. Relationships never stand still…you’re either growing closer together or you’re drifting apart.  It’s an art that must be learned over a lifetime and we must learn from the master artist…Jesus Christ!  Look at how Jesus loves us in Ephesians 5:2… “Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God”.

Four Relational Arts that Jesus practiced:

1) Be All There. The miracle of life is in the moment! The miracle is in the Monday miracles of life…in the everyday moments of life. Quit looking down the road for the big moments and live NOW! We often skip over the people closest to us to try to impress the people who don’t even care when it’s all said and done. Hebrews 13:5 says “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." Be the first one to make the move and CHOOSE to love first! 

What can husbands do to be ALL THERE for their wives?

Let’s face it ladies…men and women are very different creatures and what we need and the way we communicate is very different.  The meaning of “be all there” means something very different to women than it does for men.

What does “be all there” mean to women?

Complement her, write her notes, understand her, cherish her, listen to her sacrifice for her, cuddle with her, look for ways to ease her load, hug her, love her when she’s irritable, encourage her when she’s down and treasure her. For many men, many of these things do not come naturally. Being emotionally engaged doesn’t come as natural for men as it does for women. Therefore, ladies YOU must communicate to your boyfriend or your husband what “be all there” means to YOU. And MEN…you must do the same for your girlfriend or your wife. Tell them what “be all there” means to you. Men are looking for respect, praise, recognition and affection. When he comes home at night, give him a big hug and smile and tell him how happy you are to see him. Tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works for the family. Lift him up, encourage him and praise him. Then give him a little down time before you start telling him about your day. Men are different than women. They need to decompress from their day before they can fully engage with you. We must embrace and celebrate our differences and use them to strengthen our relationships! A hug, a note, a complement, a word of encouragement may seem like a small thing to you…but it is a BIG thing to the person you are giving it to. 

2) The Art of Acting Intentionally. We must connect intentionally. We must act intentionally. Jesus had an intentional purpose by going to the cross for us. We must be intentional in our closest relationships.  We must all understand this…LOVE IS NOT A FEELING! Love is an intentional choice that produces powerful feelings. Most people have it backwards. They think love is that tingly feeling you get when you’re around that person and once that tingly feeling goes away they think that their love has gone away. SO NOT TRUE! In 1 John 3:18, Jesus tells us “Let us show our truth by our actions.” In other words, when you start acting in loving ways it produces passion and feelings…not the other way around.

A long term marriage requires CHOOSING to love. It is a CHOICE to work through the issues. Jesus CHOSE to love YOU!

3) The Art of Risking Awkwardness. To reveal your heart to someone is awkward for many of us. Maybe hugging your kids feels awkward to you because you were not hugged as a kid.  Jesus completely understands how you feel…he understands your awkwardness. Jesus stepped out of his Heavenly home… he stepped out of his comfort zone into this world as a vulnerable, awkward and fragile baby. Jesus has demonstrated through his life that BREAKTHROUGHS in our relationships result from our willingness to be awkward. If you’re gonna love people you’re gonna have to break out of your comfort zone and get into their zone. Tell them how much they mean to you.  Don’t put if off!  The right time to do these things never comes…so just do it…do it NOW!

The real important things in life don’t have deadlines so we put them off and they never seem to get done.

Make sure at the end of your life nothing is life unsaid and nothing is left undone!

4) The Art of Letting Go. Let go of your bitterness, your resentment and your past. There is no failure or problem that comes into your life that can change God’s future for your life.  Your future is as bright as the promises of God!  Jesus let go of everything to love YOU! This is why YOU can let go of everything that holds you back.  Romans 8:37-39 says “Nothing can separate you from God.” You can let go of all of those things you’re holding onto because Jesus will never let go of you!

You can let go of the pain of your past, your unrealistic expectations in your relationships and your failures.  God will NEVER let YOU go!

Relationships are the KEY my friends. Reaching out and connecting is WHY we are here on this earth. Take some time today to reflect on those you love and how you can put these four relational arts into practice today.

Love,

Sherry :-)