My Cup Runneth Over

Suzanne

Seventeen years ago God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl. I had wanted a girl of my own since I was a little girl. So when I found out I was pregnant there was no doubt whatsoever in my mind that I was having a girl. As she grew up a little my husband and I decided we were ready to give her a brother or sister. So when I got pregnant again we were thrilled. But it was not to be. I would go on to have five miscarriages, with only one being explained. In other words there was no medical explanation for the other four. I went through every negative emotion you can think of, anger, hurt, guilt. Why wouldn’t God give me another child? Why would He deprive my daughter of a sibling? It was my fault because I waited too long and I was too old. I was in my late thirties. Not exactly unheard of, but still my fault. Whenever I would see siblings together or hear my friends talk about their children I would feel that overwhelming guilt. I had missed my window. My daughter would have been an amazing big sister. She has such a good heart, but because of me she won’t have a sibling. I later found out about some health problems that could have been the cause, if only I’d tried earlier.

Guilt. I felt this way for years. But as I grew in my relationship with God, I started feeling a little relief. Not a big, sudden, let go of it kind but more of a gradual releasing. I started to realize that if His plan was for one child or ten children He would make it happen. It wasn’t up to me and it was not something I controlled. I learned to trust in Him and know that His plans for me are bigger than mine. And His plans for my daughter are bigger than mine. And that’s when I finally found some peace. Not that I don’t get emotional sometimes but I’m not consumed with it anymore. I find myself more and more being grateful instead of sad for the children I lost. I’m grateful that I have an amazing daughter here with me and that I have five children yet to meet. Praise Jesus! Thank you Father for blessing me so richly! Suzanne

SHARE YOUR JESUS STORY!

Send us an email through the "contact us" section at the bottom of the website. Your story matters! Share it with our community.

#myjesusstory